I’m sure you, like myself, have occasionally looked back at a song, band, or haircut from your teens and thought “Oh god. What was I thinking?”

This is not one of those times, though I thought it would be. The band: The Distorted Penguins. The Song: Anarchy Waltz. This track, thought to be long dead, was resurrected by a mythical mix CD that suddenly came to light in the shuffle of shlepping off to Wisconsin.

I’m not sure how I know of The Distorted Penguins. I’m debating whether or not they hit the tiny little venue in Butler, Pennsylvania that was once called Apparitions Food Court (and is now called a denture office). Apparitions was a little food court with a party room that quickly became the punk hang out for the under 18 crowd. Those were heady days, however, and the haze of watermelon and whipped cream somehow prevents me from recalling with any certainty who I did or did not see there. Alas, my connection to the Distorted Penguins will forever be a mystery.

That does not mean it should be a mystery to you. Go to their Myspace here, listen to Anarchy Waltz, and pretend you’re 15. It’ll be awesome, I promise.

This might be the quintessential simple local band song ever. The saxophone is simple; i could probably break out my sax from the 3rd grade and figure it out by the end of the evening. The way they use the sax to punctuate the beat, though, is captivating.

The Hey Hey’s and Oi Oi’s, of course, get me going every time I hear the song, and I almost seem to remember being crammed into a small foul smelling room, pumping my fist along with the song, until my memory falls away to reveal I’m just in my apartment.

The lyrics are great too. “What you call expression they call moral decay”? Brilliant, and not in an angsty 15 year old sort of way. It’s simple, applicable, and non-drammaticised. I could probably break it out in an argument and get away with it.

The song is a simple style of pop punk and ska, but it doesn’t have that generic fell I’m used to when it comes to local punk bands.

Another fun aspect of this song is that you can replace “Waltz” with just about any one syllable word. Driving home from work, we spotted a shopping cart turned over on the side of the road. Dave goes “Anarchy Cart! Oi oi oi oi” and now it applies to almost every cart we see. Also cropped up: “Anarchy Dog”, “Anarchy Stove” and by far the scariest, “Anarchy Car”.

It falls in line with an illustrious list of songs I alter consistently for shits and giggles, but the rest of the list will have to wait until later.

What to drink with Anarchy Waltz?
Lemonade with Rum. Have strong enough lemonade, and no one will realize you’re drinking underage…until you pass out under a table. Which never happened to me. Honest.

Back in the day, you could occasionally find me at Warped Tour. While the endless booths selling crap were annoying, the people largely obnoxious, and half of the bands mediocre or infuriating (or both), occasionally there would be someone on the ticket that really made me want to go.

One such year, it was Flogging Molly and Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards.

Everyone else on the ticket, though seemed to be straight up emo garbage.

(By the way, please don’t start sending me hate mail about how bands likeFugazi are the true emo, and calling shitty whiny bands emo is incorrect and offensive towards the precursors of the genre that supposedly didn’t suck. I’ve heard the argument before, perused the archives of ‘true emo’, and while it wasn’t horrible, it wasn’t fantastic enough to make me champion the ‘true emo’ cause.)

Anyway, because I was young and different (weren’t we all), I felt the world needed to know that I was not at Warped Tour for the emo music. To make sure everyone knew this, I wore a plain black tank top, with a bright orange patch safety-pinned to the top of it. The patch said “Emo Sucks.”

I got a lot of feed back on my choice of attire. Some people high-fived me. Some people whined at me. Some people scoffed and said rude comments.

But the best was when someone stopped me as I was walking past their band’s merch booth. They said they loved my shirt, and insisted I take one of their CDs for free. After catching back up with my friends, I checked out the CD case. I can’t remember the name of the band, but I swear to congress one of their tracks was called “My Tears Fall Like Rain”.

I chuckled the rest of the day. I did listen to the CD later to ensure the track wasn’t ironically named. It wasn’t.

fin.

Crash Love. It’s the newest album by AFI. I’d like to say it was long anticipated, but the truth is I kind of forgot it was coming. I knew after the Blaqk Audio album that a new AFI album was coming eventually, but I didn’t keep tabs on it.

I will go ahead and admit, at the risk of losing any street-punk cred I had left from my 15 year old days, that I like decemberunderground. I like it a lot, even.

Which brings us, somehow, to Crash Love. Most people, it seems, disliked decemberunderground. Vehemently. I know they weren’t the old school die-hard AFI fans, because most of those decided AFI sold out after songs like I Wanna Mohawk (But Mom Won’t Let Me Get One) went out the window.

Anyway, public backlash against decemberunderground was largely widespread, but I liked it. It felt honest, like it’s really what they wanted to do. Crash Love doesn’t give me the same vibe. For one thing it feels more theatrical. Some of the songs seem almost like a rock-opera. While Havok’s voice could totally handle opera, I feel the only band really capable of the rock-opera is Manowar. And they are lacking from this equation.

I’ve heard myriad people mention how much this album tickles them because it goes back to AFI’s “old sound”, which doesn’t make sense to me, because this sounds nothing like Cereal Wars. Even if they’re talking about Sing the Sorrow “old”, I don’t see it.

For a vast majority of the tracks, the music feels weak to me. While the lyrics may have been questionable in decemberunderground, I felt the music was well thought out. On Crash Love, however, the music feels almost generic to me. If I heard it without any vocals, I would have no idea what band was responsible for it.

Admittedly I am no musician, I am merely a music lover, and I have no way of telling whether music is easy or hard to play. However, regardless of ease, I felt the music of decemberunderground to be more engaging, and while the lyrics where perhaps weak, their presentation was pleasing to my ear.

Regardless, the first couple tracks confuse me. There are parts of the songs I love, but other parts that irk me. The chorus from Beautiful Thieves, for example, I find fabulous. The beginning of End Transmission does nothing for me, but the rest of the song sucks me in. I just flat out don’t like Medicate, but parts of I Am Trying Very Hard to Be Here pull me in while other parts push me away.

Sacrilege is the first song on the album that kind of reminds me of any old AFI. I do like it. the back-up vocals, the contrast between chorus and verse, and music that seems leveled, varied and well paired. I like the tempo in Havok’s singing too. The bridge bothers me a little, but very few bridges don’t. I’m biased against them. (The exception being Regina Spektor’s perfect bridge in Dance Song of the 80’s).

Darling, I Want to Destroy You annoys the hell out of me, and Cold Hands bothers me greatly at parts, but entertains me in others.

The whole album leaves me feeling rather bi-polar. And I’m just going to skip most of the extended tracks, because I am one of the few music junkies that doesn’t put much stock in demos, previously unreleased tracks, or otherwise. I generally feel there is a reason songs get left behind…

Fainting Spells, however, I feel has a lot of potential. I almost feel some Nine Inch Nails influence, but I find the intro lacking enough that it took me a long time to notice that what followed it was worth listening to. One of the strongest songs on the album, though, even though it isn’t on the normal album.

What to take away?

Crash Love leaves a very “meh” taste in my mouth. I don’t vehemently hate it, but for the most part i find it either boring and/or easily forgotten. Some songs have great aspects, but overall i feel the album is lacking a reasonable number of stand alone great songs.

What to Expect?

Music that doesn’t quite get at you the way, say, Black Sails in the Sunset does. But what can I say, so far I think they peaked with BSitS.

What to Pair it With?

A poorly mixed Long Island Iced Tea. All the elements for awesome are here, and if they were in proper proportion, I’m sure it would be intoxicating. As is, however, I’m not particularly impressed.

Favorite Song?

I think it’s gotta be Sacrilege. It just gives me hope for the future of AFI, despite the rest of the album. Next time around, they just have to get it right.

In sophomore year of college I discovered Rancid randomly. I had listed to the album “Rancid 2000” before, but thought it was mediocre at best and moved on. Sophomore year I found songs like “Bloodclot” and “Red Hot Moon‘. I fell in love instantly, and saw Rancid rocket up into my top ten with lightening speed.

…and then it just fizzled right out.

I don’t know why, but my love for Rancid did not last very long at all. Which is why I probably should have just skipped this album. I haven’t been in a Rancid mood for 2 years now. I’m probably not going to be very fair.

Rancid came out with their first new album in 6 years: Let the Dominoes Fall. I really don’t think I like it very much. I was hoping for a song or two like Bloodclot to energize me, but the whole album has this campy feel.

The foremost and biggest problem with the whole album is that they let the bassist sing. Matt Freeman is an amazingly talented bassist. So talented, in fact, that no talent whatsoever was left over for his voice. His voice is horrible. Simply terrible. A bad decision.

Seriously. Some songs on the album start to almost convince me of their worth, and I start to waiver against their logic… And then Matt comes in and sings the bridge. My defenses are then bolstered, and there is no backing down. Where Matt sings, I will not tread.

And “LA River” – are you kidding me? That “shimmy-shimmy-shake-shimmy-shake-shimmy-shimmy” makes Matt sound like Timmy from South Park, not to mention the general horror of placing that in the middle of a song. I know they were just trying to take up space, but the bass line alone would have been quite enough. Having Matt sing was superfluous and painful. Bad, Rancid.

The whole album feels campy to me. It reminds me of their song “Fall Back Down”. It’s so cheesy it’s almost painful. “Last One to Die” seems particularly painful. Yes, Tim, we understand people thought you wouldn’t make it, but writing a song where you thumb your nose at your naysayers and focus on the fact that Rancid is still around and doing quite okay is a little middle-school.

There are little things all over the album that just bother me. The inflection of a line. The lack of an inflection of a line. Singing the same line, the same way, twice. Stupid little things, but they drive me crazy.

Also, I feel like Tim is putting on that accent-cum-speech-impediment. In his initial stuff I think it was just his normal way of talking. As time goes on, however, it just seems to get thicker. It’s getting to sound like he ought to be wearing a helmet.

What to take away?

Let the Dominoes Fall… is not good. Unless you enjoy grown men singing songs that ought to have been written by someone nearing their teenage years.

What to expect?

Matt’s horrible voice ruining anything that could otherwise be slightly acceptable.

What to pair it with?

A Bacardi Silver pre-mixed Mojito. It’s a bad copy of what was once a good thing.

Favorite Song?

On the Acoustic bonus disk there is a song called “Outgunned“. I like it. The instruments are very well done, complex, and seem subtly Celtic. Matt doesn’t sing.

When it comes to songs that reference The Little Prince, I’m a total softie. Believe it or not, this topic doesn’t come up in music as much as you’d think.

To date, Andrew Jackson Jihad is the only band I know to have referenced that lovely book.

Andrew Jackson Jihad also has the best opening line for a song that I’ve ever heard. It goes “Hey Everything, Fuck You.”

Coincidentally, those two songs are one in the same. “Little Prince (El Principito)“.

Andrew Jackson Jihad is yet another folk-punk band. Oh how I enjoy the folk punk. Unlike Ghost Mice, their are not overwhelming optimistic (see paragraph three). They are positive, though. They cover really morbid topics, but somehow manage to stay positive.

Perhaps there is the realistic view that everything sucks, but we may as well make the best of it.

I was lucky enough to be tipped off on an Andrew Jackson Jihad sighting in Pittsburgh this past weekend by a high-school friend’s boyfriend’s little brother. Aaron. By congress, I love Facebook sometimes.

So I packed up my things and headed east, since Cleveland was not to be blessed with a stop on this tour.

The show was being held at 222 Ormsby, a wonderful little venue. Not only did $5 gain me entrance into the concert, it also gained me a wristband and unlimited access to a keg in the back room.

I’m gonna go ahead and admit I was a bad concert-goer this time around. I had just driven about 3.5 hours to be there. There were dogs and beer in the back. A high-school friend showed up. I spent the opening bands time slots in the back with the beer, dogs, and friends.

The openers were Delay, The Code Orange Kids, and Shady Ave.

I did, of course, meander to the main room for Andrew Jackson Jihad’s set. And what a set it was. They kicked it off with “Little Prince (El Principito).” I kind of like these folk punk bands kicking off the show with my favorite songs. I’m not sure whether they know what they’re doing or if it’s coincindental, but i hope they keep it up.

Once again, the show contained a bunch of songs hitherto unknown by me. They played a bunch of songs I did know, though. They just played a lot of songs.

The lead singer kept forgetting his lyrics. It was rather amusing, but as i’ve said before this doesn’t bother me. He was laughing and tripping over the words. It just made me smile.

One unique fact of this show was that I could actually understand the singer without a previous knowledge of his songs. As folk punk shows aren’t normally a riot, they can tend to become a tidge dull if you’re unfamiliar with the music at hand. This wasnt the case at all, I just listened to the lyrics and giggled at their morbid optimism.

What to take away…

Probably a nasty hangover from all that horrible cheap beer.

What should you expect?

Folk punk kids who actually drink.

What drink to pair with it?

Cheap, horrible, all-you-can-drink beer from a keg that everyone agrees is terrible, but keeps drinking anyway.

Favorite Song?

“Little Prince (El Principito)”. I enjoy that he doesn’t leave anything out of his condemnation. Hey everything, fuck you.

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I’m just another Brody Dalle fan girl. I am about as close to being in love with Brody Dalle as I can without being completely creepy. This obsession used to be more pronounced, but recently it’s taken a back seat to other obsessions. Why? Because Brody Dalle forsook us!

With the demise of The Distillers (congress rest its soul), there was a Brody sized hole left in the fabric of the music-time continuum. After years of pointlessly and obsessively googling for updates on Brody I gave up.

My most excellent cousin, Taylor, mentioned the other day that Spinnerette, Brody’s new band, finally came out with something. My ears perked up. I started to excitedly wiggle a little bit. In typical Anderson fashion though, I promptly forgot all about it.

…Enter, today. Sitting at work, listening to my last.fm library, The Distillers came on. I hadn’t listened to them in ages. Suddenly I had a desire to listen to the entire Distillers catalog all night. Suddenly I missed Brody. Suddenly I remembered Spinnerette and their supposed release!

A little internet spelunking proved my cousin correct. Not only was there an EP, there was also a full length. Fifteen new Brody songs. I listened to what I could online, and one of the first things I did when I got home was order their self-titled full length. I also tried to order the Ghetto Love EP… But it was only a digital release. As much as I love instant gratification, I prefer hard copies. This may have something to do with the frequency with which my computers self destruct.

Despite only a digital release, I plunked down my $5 and had the music in minutes.

The first thing I did was watch the music video for Ghetto Love. It came with the digital release from their website. It’s lovely. It’s quite simple, but has Brody popping out from behind Brody for back-up vocals. Any song that fits multiple incarnations of Brody into it is okay by me.

The EP to me seems the next logical step after The Distillers’ Coral Fang. Brody’s singing style is roughly the same from that album: more smoky vocals, less yelling. The Music accompanying her is tamed down a little too. The angry anthems of Sing Sing Death House are long, long gone. Coming close to growing up with The Distillers, I like this. Sing Sing Death House was perfect for my pissed off little 15 year old self. This new stuff is perfect for that same pissed off little 15 year old 7 years down the line. The sharper points are sanded down, but with that transformation is also a suddenly danceable beat hidden within most of the songs of this EP.

Predominantly I would say this is a rock album. Easily teased out are elements of punk and grunge, one may even say ‘post-punk.’ Aside from these broad categories, a subtle layer of beats hides, unassuming until I found myself prancing around the living room in a way The Distillers never made me prance before. This danceable current easily falls within the broad basis of rock-punk-grunge, leaving it hiding in the shadows, present but not pointedly so.

For a four song EP i’m impressed. I cannot wait until my package comes in.

What to take away…

Spinnerette is undeniably a musical force steered by Brody. Her musical style has evolved into something bigger than her punk days of yore, but that’s not saying it’s a bad thing. it’s just a different thing. Any Brody-whore will like it. An enjoyment of rock and punk outside of the usual Hellcat Records paradigm will help with the appreciation.

What should you expect?

Well fashioned songs of what seems to me to be a unique fusion of musical styles formed into a new style that is hard to pigeonhole.

What drink to pair with it?

Bourbon, from the bottle.

Favorite Song?

Ghetto Love seems to be the best of her new style. Smokey vocals, a good beat, and well timed yelling make it a great opening song. Valium Knights is also wonderful, and it seems to me to be reminiscent of Brody’s older style, specifically the Coral Fang album.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bomb the Music Industry! (BtMI!), they play an interesting fusion of Ska, Punk, and Hardcore. Other influences are apparent throughout their music, though not as prevalent. Listening to BtMI! is never lacking in surprises. Just when you get used to ska riffs set between bouts of yelling, they break out a Tom Waits cover.

They are big proponents of the DIY punk movement, recording and distributing their own CDs, offering most of them for free on their website, and trying to thwart unnecessary capitalism within their sphere of influence. The music is a bit rough around the edges, as their instruments and recording opportunities are perhaps not of the finest quality. They more than make up for all of that with enthusiasm and an unmistakable dedication to making ridiculously awesome music.

Due to issues with work and the Cleveland public transportation system, we arrived at the venue a tidge late, missing most of the first opener. They did a decent job, despite the whole band looking like they had just learned how to shave.

Punk shows are making me feel old.

Up next was Laura Stevenson and the Cans, a female fronted band who perhaps was worthwhile in their own right but seemed mismatched at this particular show. I felt it was as if Jewel and Evanescence were spliced together in a freak accident. it didn’t fit the mood at all. I drained my second Magic Hat #9, even though I was clearly the only person over 21 who was not drinking PBR tallboys. I felt out of place. Deliciously out of place.

In the interim before BtMI! took the stage I checked out their merch booth and found that they would stencil t-shirts for free. This is easy for the guys, who can just pull their shirts off and hand ‘em over. Personally, I didn’t want to be arrested. No T-shirt for me.

Except…I had a cardigan in the car! I scurried back to my car and changed into my cashmere Goodwill cardigan. Back at the Grog Shop I passed off my T-shirt, and my awesome couchsurfer Marko passed me a PBR tallboy. I fit in with the rest of the over 21 crowd! By the time BtMI! took the stage I was tossing my can to the bartender and diving into the crowd.

Memo: Cashmere sweaters are not optimal in the pit at concerts.

After almost loosing my sweltering cardigan to the crowd, I spent the rest of the time trying to dance while clutching my cardigan nervously to my chest.

Bomb the Music Industry! was fantastic, with an incredibly high energy performance that left me pretending to know how to dance. Unfortunately it also left me getting cracked in the head by countless elbows attached to powerfully thrusting fists. Occasionally I could glimpse Marko or Shu dancing and bobbing their heads; I wasn’t the only one enjoying.

Bomb the Music Industry! has a huge musical catalog, and unfortunately they seemed to miss most of the songs I knew. Thankfully three-quarters of the way through the set they played “Side Projects are Never Successful”. My favorite. The crowds favorite too, it appeared.

How could you possibly say no to a chorus that goes “…and we’ll drink drink drink, we’ll get drunk drunk drunk”? It’s impossible.

What to take away…

More like, what to bring. Namely a blank t-shirt, and a helmet. At least if you’re 5′7″ or shorter.

What should you expect?

An enthusiastic crowd of teenagers. An enthusiastic band. A lot of fun.

What drink to pair with?

Recently Plan-It-X-Records (the patron record label of DIY-punk) told me, ‘If it ain’t cheap, it ain’t punk’. so despite my love of Magic Hat, I’m going to have to pair the show with no less than 2 PBR tallboys.