I’m sure you, like myself, have occasionally looked back at a song, band, or haircut from your teens and thought “Oh god. What was I thinking?”

This is not one of those times, though I thought it would be. The band: The Distorted Penguins. The Song: Anarchy Waltz. This track, thought to be long dead, was resurrected by a mythical mix CD that suddenly came to light in the shuffle of shlepping off to Wisconsin.

I’m not sure how I know of The Distorted Penguins. I’m debating whether or not they hit the tiny little venue in Butler, Pennsylvania that was once called Apparitions Food Court (and is now called a denture office). Apparitions was a little food court with a party room that quickly became the punk hang out for the under 18 crowd. Those were heady days, however, and the haze of watermelon and whipped cream somehow prevents me from recalling with any certainty who I did or did not see there. Alas, my connection to the Distorted Penguins will forever be a mystery.

That does not mean it should be a mystery to you. Go to their Myspace here, listen to Anarchy Waltz, and pretend you’re 15. It’ll be awesome, I promise.

This might be the quintessential simple local band song ever. The saxophone is simple; i could probably break out my sax from the 3rd grade and figure it out by the end of the evening. The way they use the sax to punctuate the beat, though, is captivating.

The Hey Hey’s and Oi Oi’s, of course, get me going every time I hear the song, and I almost seem to remember being crammed into a small foul smelling room, pumping my fist along with the song, until my memory falls away to reveal I’m just in my apartment.

The lyrics are great too. “What you call expression they call moral decay”? Brilliant, and not in an angsty 15 year old sort of way. It’s simple, applicable, and non-drammaticised. I could probably break it out in an argument and get away with it.

The song is a simple style of pop punk and ska, but it doesn’t have that generic fell I’m used to when it comes to local punk bands.

Another fun aspect of this song is that you can replace “Waltz” with just about any one syllable word. Driving home from work, we spotted a shopping cart turned over on the side of the road. Dave goes “Anarchy Cart! Oi oi oi oi” and now it applies to almost every cart we see. Also cropped up: “Anarchy Dog”, “Anarchy Stove” and by far the scariest, “Anarchy Car”.

It falls in line with an illustrious list of songs I alter consistently for shits and giggles, but the rest of the list will have to wait until later.

What to drink with Anarchy Waltz?
Lemonade with Rum. Have strong enough lemonade, and no one will realize you’re drinking underage…until you pass out under a table. Which never happened to me. Honest.

Everyone will always have their lists of concerts that they should have gone to. Recently I added another band to my list: The Independents.

They played Peabody’s in Cleveland. I wasn’t there. Why not, you ask?

I had just come off a concert binge. I was less psyched about concerts than usual, and Peabody’s is kind of a divey bar/venue anyway. The first time I went there I was in 10th grade. I road tripped in to see The Adicts. It was a Tuesday night and someone hit me over the head with a beer bottle.

Nice place.

I had no concert buddy, and felt uneasy charging into a bar were i had already been assaulted once. Also, parking that close to downtown isn’t easy, and if it is…it’s because you’re parking in a neighborhood that you don’t want to be walking around at night.

I was tired.

So I stayed home.

But if only…

The Independents are a horror-punk band. Their music is catchy as hell, has a fast tempo, and the lead singers vocals are so reminiscent of Elvis that he is dubbed “Evil Presley”.

Sometimes I feel that horror-punk can weigh a little too much – there’s not enough spring in it’s proverbial step. While it’s good, sometimes I feel there just needs to be more energy involved.

The Independents have none of these issues. While topically they are most definitely a horror-punk band, there is an undeniable ska undercurrent. I think it’s a pairing made in the Capitol Rotunda. Ska has the potential of going over the top. The Aquabats – despite my enjoyment of them – come to mind. Horror-punk has the tendency to take things too seriously in it’s almost Nerdy B-movie interests (The Misfits come to mind there).

Now, if you were to throw those two together with a dash of Elvis seasoning, what do you get?

Songs about murdering cheerleaders (and keeping their bodies) that you can skank to.

They also have this wonderful song called “Little Blue“. The chorus goes something like “Little Blue, tell me why do you do the things you do?”. As my car’s name is Little Blue and one of the headlights flicks on and off intermittently, they hold the honor of creating a theme song.

What to take away?

Concerts in Cleveland can be scary enough to deter even the most dedicated music goers. Horror-Punk + Ska = good.

What to expect?

Amazingly danceable songs about horrible topics.

What drink to pair it with?

Cheap American bourbon – possibly Wild Turkey.

Favorite Songs?

“Bleeding in the Streets” is pretty epic. The beat is good, the lyrics pretty amusing, and his voice occasionally goes a little goofy in a way that makes me wonder if he has any current medical conditions.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bomb the Music Industry! (BtMI!), they play an interesting fusion of Ska, Punk, and Hardcore. Other influences are apparent throughout their music, though not as prevalent. Listening to BtMI! is never lacking in surprises. Just when you get used to ska riffs set between bouts of yelling, they break out a Tom Waits cover.

They are big proponents of the DIY punk movement, recording and distributing their own CDs, offering most of them for free on their website, and trying to thwart unnecessary capitalism within their sphere of influence. The music is a bit rough around the edges, as their instruments and recording opportunities are perhaps not of the finest quality. They more than make up for all of that with enthusiasm and an unmistakable dedication to making ridiculously awesome music.

Due to issues with work and the Cleveland public transportation system, we arrived at the venue a tidge late, missing most of the first opener. They did a decent job, despite the whole band looking like they had just learned how to shave.

Punk shows are making me feel old.

Up next was Laura Stevenson and the Cans, a female fronted band who perhaps was worthwhile in their own right but seemed mismatched at this particular show. I felt it was as if Jewel and Evanescence were spliced together in a freak accident. it didn’t fit the mood at all. I drained my second Magic Hat #9, even though I was clearly the only person over 21 who was not drinking PBR tallboys. I felt out of place. Deliciously out of place.

In the interim before BtMI! took the stage I checked out their merch booth and found that they would stencil t-shirts for free. This is easy for the guys, who can just pull their shirts off and hand ‘em over. Personally, I didn’t want to be arrested. No T-shirt for me.

Except…I had a cardigan in the car! I scurried back to my car and changed into my cashmere Goodwill cardigan. Back at the Grog Shop I passed off my T-shirt, and my awesome couchsurfer Marko passed me a PBR tallboy. I fit in with the rest of the over 21 crowd! By the time BtMI! took the stage I was tossing my can to the bartender and diving into the crowd.

Memo: Cashmere sweaters are not optimal in the pit at concerts.

After almost loosing my sweltering cardigan to the crowd, I spent the rest of the time trying to dance while clutching my cardigan nervously to my chest.

Bomb the Music Industry! was fantastic, with an incredibly high energy performance that left me pretending to know how to dance. Unfortunately it also left me getting cracked in the head by countless elbows attached to powerfully thrusting fists. Occasionally I could glimpse Marko or Shu dancing and bobbing their heads; I wasn’t the only one enjoying.

Bomb the Music Industry! has a huge musical catalog, and unfortunately they seemed to miss most of the songs I knew. Thankfully three-quarters of the way through the set they played “Side Projects are Never Successful”. My favorite. The crowds favorite too, it appeared.

How could you possibly say no to a chorus that goes “…and we’ll drink drink drink, we’ll get drunk drunk drunk”? It’s impossible.

What to take away…

More like, what to bring. Namely a blank t-shirt, and a helmet. At least if you’re 5′7″ or shorter.

What should you expect?

An enthusiastic crowd of teenagers. An enthusiastic band. A lot of fun.

What drink to pair with?

Recently Plan-It-X-Records (the patron record label of DIY-punk) told me, ‘If it ain’t cheap, it ain’t punk’. so despite my love of Magic Hat, I’m going to have to pair the show with no less than 2 PBR tallboys.